It’s called a Freudian Slip. You’re talking freely. Your mind wanders for a moment and the truth slips out.
Yesterday, I was talking to an old friend, describing my situation and out of my mouth the word “co-dependent” popped. Co-dependent is pretty close to the perfect word to describe my emotional state. Sometimes the truth just pops out of nowhere. Psychologists use this Freudian Slips to gain insight into their patients’ subconscious minds. I think it’s fascinating how a little slip of the tongue, the briefest moment of honesty, can put your whole life into perspective.
Since I’ve moved back to Augusta, I’ve a little depressed. I can see it happening, but I’m not really sure what to do about it. Realizing that I’m a co-dependent person has put things into perspective and shed some light on a recurring problem in my life, loneliness. Loneliness will make you do stupid things. Well, maybe not YOU specifically… but loneliness definitely has made ME do some stupid things.
I wasn’t always proud of my African-American heritage. When I was a kid, I didn’t want to be black. I wasn’t ashamed of my color. I didn’t know about racism. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be “black”. Seeing how I am black, you can see how this was a bit of an issue…
Wait, let’s start at the beginning…
I don’t know what came over me a few days ago. I guess I just had some unresolved issues that I needed to work out. I’m good and stable again.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled webblog.
When we last left our hero, it had been a year since I’d broken up with Shell. She was dating some new guy and I’d decided that I wanted her back. So I set about to get her.
I had developed into a bit of a selfish prick by this time, so it didn’t matter whether she was seeing someone at the time or not. I wanted what I wanted and so long as I could justify it to myself, I was good.
Though technically Olive is the next girlfriend chronologically, I said at the end of the last entry that I’m not sticking to a strict timeline. So I’m saving/skipping Olive and discussing Shell today.
I met Shell when I was in Middle School, but we weren’t very close. I suppose you could say we were friends, but we didn’t really get to know each other until High School.
She was the first girl for whom I wrote poetry. We’d go to open mic nights at the local Barnes & Noble and I’d read what I’d written for her. Shell helped to pull me out of my shell (ha!) and near the end of the summer, I lost my virginity with her.
Oh yeah, that got your attention, I’m sure.
